surrogacy?anyone??

I came here to find help and support. It happened so that I can’t carry a baby. I had 6 MCs. I don’t think I will be able to cope with another one. It’s so hard and so unbearable! I feel miserable and I feel ashamed in front of my husband. I lost 6 children… I hate myself for this. I don’t understand why me? What have I done to suffer like this? All of my friends have families. They have kids, they have everything! And here I am who can’t even carry my own child. Of course I’m happy for them! Sometimes they ask me to stay with their kids, when they have work or some other staff. I love to play with them, read fairytales and buy toys for them. I feel so happy at that moment! I imagine how it would be if my children were alive, with us… Doctors said they don’t know the reason and advised us to try ART. I don’t want to waste time any more. It’s hard to live like this, tearing myself with guilt. Now I’m looking into surrogacy. But I’m so scared. I receive support from my husband. He thinks that surrogacy is a very good option for us. But both mine and his parents think that surrogacy is wrong and unnatural. I read here, how girls are grateful to their families. I have completely different situation. My parents blame me all the time. They think I do something wrong and that’s why I lost my children. My mother told me, that all women in our family have an amazing health and no one ever had problems with carrying their children. I tried to explain them that it’s not true. They never listen and we argue all the time. My husband is the only one who supports me. I just really hope that everything will change! I hope surrogacy will give us chance to be happy. Any advice? What should we consider? Where to start our search?

 

Stay strong Estella. Do not think of anyone else this time but your self alone. People who are just there nagging you cannot help you. Yes, surrogacy can be a solution to your problem. You can ask a specialist about this so that your doubts will vanish.

 

During surrogacy journey, I'm sure your angriness will be flushed away. Excitement will surely replace it.

 

Hello, dear. I definitely feel your pain. I was trying to get pregnant for 6 years. I thought my dream would never come true. All my friends already had kids. And I had a dream. I had a plan when I was a kid. I thought that I will get married when I’m 25. And I will give birth to a baby when I’m 27. As a result, I got married when I was 28. And I still had no kids when I was 34. We had so many tests and treatments. We didn’t know what to do. I was afraid that my husband could break up with me. We started visiting the psychologist. It was an amazing woman, who has really helped us. She definitely saved our marriage. She told us her amazing life story. She is infertile, just like me. But she is a mom of the girl, which was born by the surrogate mother. It was a real sensation for me. I didn’t know anything about surrogacy before I met her. You know, it is a real solution for infertile couples. I know this because now I’m a mother. We are a happy family thanks to surrogacy.

For the beginning, you should find an appropriate medical center. Surrogacy is not legal in all countries. Try to read about medical centers in Ukraine. You will be surprised to see the prices. Don’t forget to find a good lawyer. You will have to sign the contract.

 

Hello, dear. Please, stop thinking that you are doing something wrong. Don't listen to your mother. All people are different. If your relatives had no problems with carrying their babies it doesn't mean that the same will happen to you. This is your health. Your relatives don't influence your reproduction system in any way. You are very lucky that your husband supports you. You should listen to him. I'm sure he can help you. First of all, you should choose the medical center. When I was looking for a surrogate mother I moved to Ukraine. Our reproduction center was located there. And we do not regret. Doctors there are really qualified.

After all the examinations and blood tests you will get your surrogate mother. Doctors will choose one from their database. You will be able to visit her whenever you want.

After the embryo transfer you will have to wait for 21 days. This is how much time is needed to find out if your surrogate is pregnant.

Some couples are lucky to get pregnant from the first time. Unfortunatelly, sometimes it takes 2 or 3 embryo transfers. But you don't have to give up. You will definitely get your baby when the time comes.

Remember that you are a great person! You are worth of being a parent. Stay positive and do everything possible to realize your dream. Don't listen to your relatives. Go to the reproduction center and consult the specialist. I'm sure everything will be fine! Keep trying.

 

If you want to start your search, go to the internet and look for the benefit of IVF. Talk with your husband about it. If both of you agrees, then start searching for a reliable clinic in Ukraine.

 

Surrogacy is the best option, the child will belong to your husband so as to you. Make your families realize that there is nothing unnatural. Take them to the clinic where health care provider or any consultant will teach them about surrogacy. Don't take tension, everything will be fine. Good luck for your future.

 

Hello, Stella! I am back to you. By the way, how are you today? I hope you are fine now. Like you, there are many infertile couples who have many questions in mind. I hope this may help you a little-https://web.facebook.com/events/116560949016136/?acontext=%7B%22ref%22%3A%223%22%2C%22ref_newsfeed_story_type%22%3A%22regular%22%2C%22feed_story_type%22%3A%22117%22%2C%22action_history%22%3A%22null%22%7D&_rdc=1&_rdr

 

Hello dear. I can understand your pain and agony from the bottom of my heart. I know very well what you are feeling right now. But my dear friend, you are truly an inspirational for the women are facing the miscarriage issues in their life. I know what you are feeling right now and I am here to support you. Now you won’t need to lose the hope. Your story sounds similar to me and I also face the miscarriage issues after my marriage. But I never lose the hope and finally get over it and blessed with the lovely baby of 3. You need to handle the situation with great courage and visit to Lotus Clinic where you can get the affordable and guaranteed surrogacy treatment. You are living in the advance medical research generation where women can get fertile and defeat the infertility issues. If you want to become the mother and start the new family then surrogacy is the perfect and ultimate option for you. It helps in conceiving the baby. Surely you will get the eggs of the healthy woman and you can able to conceive the healthy baby.

During the treatment, it is very important to take care of your health properly. IN this stage you need the complete support of your husband and keep the mind positive. You need the proper rest and don’t life the heavy things. You can eat the green leafy vegetables and multivitamins food daily. You can go for the morning walk daily and do some exercise. It helps in refreshing your mind and soul. I hope you would like my suggestion and I wish you all the best.

 

I am happy to see so many replies! Thank you so much for support and advices. I needed to hear all these kind words. All information I see here will definitely help me in my search. I will consider everything you've told me and look into options you used in your journeys. I should say I'm a little bit stuck now with my research on surrogacy. My mind is full of completely different thoughts. The reason of this is upcoming baby shower of one of my friends. As I've mentioned already I try to avoid relatives and friends who have kids. I should say it seems to me that everyone have children. I literally don't talk to anyone. I received an invitation from her about a week ago. All I can think about is upcoming event. I've been to many baby showers and this was always a hard time for me. I'm thinking about this whole terrible experience I will have to go through again. I don't know if I should go... I can't say we are best friends but we were very close in the past. She supported me when I had hard times. But when I think about all those people who will come to the party I'm terrified. At the previous baby showers I've been on obviously everyone was talking about kids. This is not the worst thing. The most terrifying thing for me is that people asking me about kids and why I don't have any. I literally get panic attack every single time I remember about moments when people asked me those questions. Why people don't get it? Why don't they understand there're some questions which can really hurt? They will never understand I get it. They didn't have to go through a nightmare when they decided to have children. For them conceiving was easy. They don't know how hard it is for us to try to conceive for years. They don't know how hard it is to have a miscarriage when you put all hope and belief in your pregnancy. When they asked me those questions I want to cry and shout. I want to punch them in their faces. I know this is not their fault. But I don't have polite answers to such questions. All I want to do is run away from that place full of happiness in which there is no place for me. How do you cope with baby showers? Do you have answers for those painful questions? I haven't decided yet if I go to that baby shower... I dream about having my own baby shower. I imagine how wonderful it would be. Such thoughts help me to go through this nightmare.

 

Hello Estella. Sorry for the late reply dear... I just say this and it gave me teary eyes. Firstly for the fact that I feel super bad for you... No human being deserves to go through such stuff. Nobody in this planet has done anything so evil as to be cursed with infertility. Some couples face it though. If I could change the world, that would be the first thing I would change. Secondly, I can relate so much to you... I know I will never be able to have a child of my own, at least I will never be able to give birth. I think the both of us should not lose hope. There is still a way out of this mess. One that doesn't include suffering and agony, not any further at least. Surrogacy would help us a lot. I think you should start by checking how much you can spent for the surrogacy. Once you know for sure that then try to find a clinic that suits your financial agenda. After that start surrogacy right away. Obviously things aren't this simple and things are little bit more complicated than they look... Still the rest is self explainatory!

 

Thank you so much for support! I really needed to hear those words. This is so hard when family tells me all those horrible things. They don't understand... And I think they never will. But it's my life and my choice. I hope this infertility struggle will be over soon. I'm so grateful you shared your experience with me. Thanks again for being by my side.

 

I bet in surrogacy you will finally conquer. It may seem a very complicated scenario for you. I am even feeling for you. What needs to be considered is your husband’s consent. Remember for surrogacy to be successful again you must have your husband’s sperms. All this sounds weird but I know the bottom line of the matter is that your parents will finally come to terms to it. Never worry so much dear. If all goes to the worst, remember you are the very final person to lose. The sperms would be injected into another female’s sperms. Some clinics have sperm and egg databases that you can refer to. It should not make you to utterly lose hope. You are a very strong lady. First shelf your parents complains and concerns. Liaise with your husband and it will be Ok. I bet if done properly under the law, it will finally work well with you. Thanks for sharing it with us and be blessed.

 

Hello dear! Thank you so much for your support. I'm really glad I came on this board as I am receiving so many kind words. I really need some inspiration and motivation now. All of these are really help to move forward. Sometimes it can be so hard to keep going. Thanks to all of you I can get support I need and information to start my path to motherhood. I'm so sorry you've also faced infertility. As I see you've also chose surrogacy as an option. Haven't you started your journey yet?

I can't agree with you more. Infertility seems to me as a curse. The question I ask most of the time is "what have I done to deserve it?" I wish we could change this world so all couples who really want and ready to have children could have them.

I still have doubts about price. I've checked some websites with clinics(US and Europe) and their prices. Obviously USA has the highest price. Now I'm not sure we can find $150 000-200 000 to have surrogacy there though I read many stories about great experience from couples who had the procedure there. Greece’ costs varies from $80 000 to $100 000. It's a little bit less, but still a lot. Anyways there are many clinics to choose from in Europe. I hope we will find the one which will suit us the best.

 

I appreciate you replied to my thread. You are right. This process is not easy at all. I'm only at the beginning but I see already that everything should be done very carefully and every detail should be learned very attentively. We have already made the whole check of my husband's health, including the semen analysis. We made it in a reliable andrology laboratory which does sperm testing. They say this test can be done in every laboratory, but we had some troubles with a couple of them. This sperm check seems to be easy, but its simplicity can be very misleading. In reality it requires a lot of skills to perform a semen analysis accurately. However, it’s very easy to do this test badly (as it often is by poorly trained technicians in small laboratories which we faced during our previous checks for these years of ttc), with the result that can be very misleading. Also a couple of weeks ago we visited urologist. He gave my dh a physical exam and asked some questions about his lifestyle and medical history. My dh was asked about surgeries he had, medications he takes, his exercise habits, etc. We had to replace some of his medications. Also he was advised to quit smoking. This is probably the hardest thing for him to do! He quit cigarettes a couple of times, but when he has some sort of stress he is immediately back to them. Now he takes it seriously so I really hope this is for a long-term. Moreover I forbid him to carry his phone in his pants’ pocket. I've heard it may also influence male fertility. Also my dh had physical exam and hormone check. We’ve even done genetic testing. I'm relieved to know my dh is fine. I was afraid if he has problems with fertility we’ll never escape from this vicious cycle. His analysis is not perfect but little changes in the lifestyle will level his fertility up.

Again thank you for your support. I wish my parents supported us as much as you do. Anyway it's my life and my parents will have to cope with our decision. There is nothing they can do about it.

 

Hello everyone who is following my thread! How are you? What news do you have? I hope you're doing fine. I'm so sorry I wasn't active for a while. I should say I'm stuck with my search on surrogacy. I was really depressed lately. I was thinking over and over again about my miscarriages. I'm always thinking about them but this time I felt like I had some kind of panic attacks. They didn't let me to free my mind and continue my search on surrogacy. Now I feel much better. I think Christmas preparations and holiday magic gave me some hope and joy. At this time of year I always feel good and make wishes for the next year. I hope 2018 will be great for our family. I want to believe that this time all our wishes will come true. I want to wish all of you best of luck! I hope next year will bring miracles to our lives!

We decided to go to Europe. The question is which country to choose? I know that each country has its own laws which regulate surrogacy. We’ll have a consultation with a lawyer in January. Which questions should we ask? My husband and I did all medical tests again. As I know we will have to prove that we really need surrogacy. Also I would like to talk to someone who has surrogacy experience. How did you choose surrogate mother? What criteria did you have? I hope you will talk to me! I would really love to hear some success stories!

 

Recently I met my old friend. We haven't seen each other for a while. We decided to go somewhere and have some girls talk. We had conversation about our families and having children. She also doesn’t have any kids. She was always overweight. As it turned out she did some medical tests and she was diagnosed with PCOS. She was in treatment for years but unfortunately the disease doesn't go away. Despite this, she seems happy. I think this is amazing that she enjoys her life no matter what. She thinks it’s pointless to worry about things we can't control. She has her business, she goes abroad for vacations with her husband and she does charity work. She has no time for depression and sadness. I was listening to her and I was amazed! This is so great she doesn't put infertility in the middle of her life. I think maybe I also have to find some distraction because I feel like last few years I do not live at all. I exist and hope someday when I’ll have children I’ll start living and enjoying my life. I think this is not supposed to be like that. I really tried so much to find a hobby or distraction which would make me feel better. And I couldn't. That's why I decided that I should deep myself into surrogacy. So we’ll be able to start our journey as soon as possible. My friend gave me inspiration and motivation to become a person I always wanted to be. I want to be a mother and I will be a mother next year! Wish us luck!

 

Hello again dear friend. Also, I am sorry for the late reply again! Have been really busy lately love. Starting IVF was a great decision and, no I am not going the surrogacy way. I might have to go down that way later on. Doctors told me that I have very slim chances of success. However I wanted to try once knowing that I won't forgive myself if I don't do this.

I am sorry to hear that you are finding it hard to find a good clinic with a good price. I know how hard it has been fro me. Like I used ot deal with this all the time when I was searching for a clinic. You are scared and you don't want to be ripped off. I might help you a little though with this whole thing. Our nurse told us yesterday that our clinic is bringing bakc their Economy Package. Here is the link to the website where you can see it for yourself - http://biotexcom.com/services/ ! However you need to hurry the offer ends at the end of the week. That's what I was told!

The prices here 30000 Euros... Or in dollars that would be less than 40000 USD! So yeah this seems like the best fit for you! WIsh you luck anyway!

 

I don't see any reason why shouldn't you try with surrogacy. You will always find a person who doesn't agree. You should listen only to your heart. I you feel like you want to go for surrogacy, find a good clinic and start with program.

 

Hii Estella,
It's good you have decided for the surrogacy and your husband also with you. Surrogacy is a good option for all infertile couples. For this, you need to find a clinic that has high success rates and gives the treatment with legal aspects. Because the wrong decision of clinic can leads you towards the issue during or after the pregnancy. For this, you can go to the Biotexcom clinic in Ukraine.I am suggesting you this clinic because my friend had got the surrogacy from that clinic. She told me that Before starting the process they take all tests of the surrogate mother and signed legal documents with her which is not applicable in all countries. So if you want you can visit that clinic once and hope it will be helpful for you.