Hello! My name is Jessica. I'm 36 yo, married, no kids. I came here to find support, some advice and of course information about infertility and ivf. The reason why I have to use donor eggs is a premature menopause. I feel like I'm not ready for such a big step. I know almost nothing about this procedure. That's why it scares me so much! I'm confused. I hope you will help me to puzzle out this question. We've been always dreaming about having children. We wanted to get on our feet, to buy our own house, to create family and environment where we could bring up our kids. Both my husband and I are from shelter. We don't have relatives who could help us with finances or babysit our children while we at work. We have only each other who we can count for. We've started ttc a year ago. I've noticed menstrual disorders. At first delay of my periods I thought that we were pregnant. But test was negative. We kept on trying but no result. I knew that something is wrong with me. I was so scared to go to the doctor and hear that I'm infertile. But this happened. I was diagnosed with premature menopause. I was told that my ovaries no longer release eggs which needed to conceive. That was a really heartbreaking moment. My only option is to use eggs of a donor. I have so many thoughts and doubts. How will I feel about a baby from an egg donor? Will I love it as my own? Will I be able to feel it is my child? What if my baby decides to find this donor? What if my baby hates me because of this procedure? I'm so scared. I hope you will share some experiences and advices with me. Thank you in advance!
Hi Jessica! How are you dear? How is your journey going? Have you decided on de ivf? I've just joined this board though. I have some experience in this whole de ivf thing so I'll try to help. First of all I want to say that I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I understand your confusion. This is so hard when you face infertility and nothing helps. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19 yo. I've been in treatments for years and zero result. I was lost. I didn't know what else to do to make all work. I was looking at my friends who were getting pregnant and gave births. I was constantly asking myself "Why me? Why nothing works?" I've tried so hard. Each time I believed with my whole heart and soul that "this treatment will help for sure". And each failure was breaking me down completely. To be honest sometimes I have thoughts to stop fighting and accept childless life. Now I'm happy I didn't give up and continue to go for my dream. I'm pregnant and I'll become the happiest mother in the whole world very soon. I've already shared some thoughts with you in the other thread. But I want to add that you will forget all your doubts as soon as you know you're pregnant! You'll love your child! You won't feel child's not yours because it will be your child! You will carry your baby, you will spend 9 months talking and singing to your baby, you will give birth. And as it was said in that research you've posted about - mothers who use donor eggs DO pass their DNA to their children! Even though I didn't hear about it earlier I still know the baby is mine and I'm the one and only mother of my baby. We used anonymous egg donor so it'll be impossible for our child to find our donor. We are still thinking if we tell our baby about egg donor. Anyway we have time to decide. The most important is to find correct words to explain your child this truth. There is a lot of info in the internet. It won't be so difficult to find the right words. IVF with donor egg is not a crime or something negative to hate. It's a way of infertility treatment. I'm sure your child won't hate you for this! I hope I helped a bit. I'll be waiting for your updates! Wish you best of luck xx
Hello! Thank you for your kind response. I was thinking about using de for a really long time. Now I know that I really want to have de ivf. I'm comforted that you are feeling the same as I am. I really needed someone to listen to me and to hear me. Every single one of my close friends is pregnant or have children, my sisters, sister in law, cousins. It's so unbearable. When 2 of my best friends told me they were pregnant & of course conceived straight away, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. One of my best friends has had her 2nd baby (conceived straight away) & all she does is moan about tiredness or feeling unwell. I would love nothing more than that. I feel so angry at times that it’s taken for granted & as much as I love her, I need to distance myself from her as it’s too hard to be around. I found recently others are constantly posting pictures on social media of their children as if to gloat. Do they have no awareness of those that may not be able to conceive? For those desperately trying? I feel like people just don’t see. I'm so happy for you! Your story makes me believe that mine will also be so positive. I'm so grateful for your support and advices. I really needed someone to tell me all these things! All this made me stronger with my decision. Could you please share more details about your de ivf? Where did you have it? How much it costed? How many attempts of ivf did you have? I will be grateful for any information! I'm looking for an agency/clinic now, but I'm at a loss. Reviews and opinions are so controversial. This is so hard to decide which place to choose. Hope for your help!
I know exactly what you are talking about! All that pregnancy talks while you are struggling infertility are so exhausting. Posts of kid's photos in social media made me so depressed. I understand that my friends were not doing it to make me feel bad. They just don't get it, how we feel or what we are going through. I'm happy to see them happy, but... but that was too hard. Now it's a lot easier for me. Now my perception of the world is completely different. I feel happiness. Finally after so many years I feel good and I'm positive on daily basis. Before my de ivf journey I was angry all the time, I was sad and stressed. I hated so many things, I didn't go outside much. I was just sitting at home and thinking how miserable I am. I'm really glad all that is over. I'll become mother very soon and I'm enjoying my life! I'm sure you'll feel the same very soon. It's so nice to know I could help you a bit. My journey started in European clinic. I'm really glad we chose to go abroad. Not only we saved some money for our child, but also the clinic made everything for us to enjoy the process. There are many clinics of reproductive medicine there, but ours is working with foreign patients. They provided us with translator and apartment which was really nice. We had to care about nothing but our ivf. We had a package with 2 tries. I've got pregnant from the first one. We paid €6.900 for all services. This price includes translator, housing, food supply and of course de ivf itself. Our clinic has high success rates. It was a major factor which convinced us to choose it. If you have any questions or just want to talk you know where to find me!
Hello, Jessica! I am so sorry to hear your pains. I would like to tell you that try to seek other doctors to confirm your situation. I am so sad about your ovary. But based on the experience of my workmate, she able to love the child even he did not belong to her flesh.
I feel exactly the same now as you did before the pregnancy. I hope with my whole heart everything will change for me as well. I want to finally start enjoying my life, feeling happy and making my husband happy. Sadness and hate inside me is just destroying me and my life. I'm tired to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sharing this info. I'll pay attention to everything you've told. I have so many questions for you! I hope you don't mind. How exactly did you choose the clinic? There are many of them. This is very hard to choose I should say. What convinced you? I know that you choose it because the clinic works with foreign patients and has high success rates. And also price seems pretty reasonable. Especially if to take into consideration the fact that the price includes translator, housing, food supply and the procedure. But how did you understand that your clinic is exactly what you are looking for? What criteria did you consider? Also I'm interested how did you choose your donor? How your clinic selects their donors? Do they use fresh or frozen embryos? It would be nice to choose donor. I really would like to know how she looks like. To be honest I want to choose a donor who looks like me. Not exactly the same, I understand it's impossible. But at list I want my donor to have some of my features. It would be great! Well thanks a lot Krystal. I hope I'm not bothering you! I'll wait for your reply.
Hello Jess! How are you? How is your journey going? Of course I'll answer your questions. I'm sorry for late reply. I was super busy last couple of months. There was a lot going on in my life recently. I have absolutely no time to come here. But finally I'm back! I should say it was not easy at all when I was looking for a clinic. Not only I learned by heart all websites with lists of clinics and what they propose, but also I read so many forums and reviews to be sure we'll go to the right place. The main things we were considering were price, using of fresh eggs, criteria by which donors are chosen, rates of success and some general services. It was also important for us that the procedure is anonymous. So there will be no "I-am-your-real-mom-situation" in future. Our doctor and program coordinator helped us to choose a donor. We made a list of features which we'd like our donor to have. Basing on our list, they chose 3 donors and eventually we chose the one which suited the most. We used fresh eggs. Opinions differ, but as far as I know fresh eggs are better and with them chances to gp are higher. I'll give birth in a couple of months and I'm so excited! I'm a little bit scared. This will be my first delivery. But we've been dreaming about this moment for so long time! Finally this's happening and I've never been happier in my life!
I can understand that you are afraid now. I know you will love this child no matter on egg donation. This will be your child and you will feel that when you have it in your arms.
hello guys i am jessica 32 years old lady, new to this forum,i got married 5 years back. my husband and i was not sure about starting a family as he had to establish his carrier and all. During 3rd year of marriage i had mental break down of not being loved that much and i was doubting my husband of not being trustworthy with me but i was wrong. It's just we missed something in life "A baby" After consulting a gynecologist and some investigations i got to know my uterus was not capable of bearing a new life. my life was complete disgrace then. i hated my life i mean what's use of life of a woman without having a baby. My husband is the best man,he stood by me and never let me think that i am incomplete,he put his 100 percent efforts on making me happy and feel beautiful everyday and then after one research his friend suggested him to visit a clinic and i finally found the reason to my happiness,the solution to problem "surrogacy" the term is and it made me feel blessed with a baby girl which is of 1 and half year old. if anybody else has faced this misery so to them you are not alone and you'll get answer to your troubles soon. GOOD DAY
Hello there dear! How are you doing? I hope that things are fine at your end. I also wish that you had a good day today. Also may this post find you in best shape possible. I am glad that you decided to take such a huge step in your life. it is beautiful to see you do just that. I mean who can stop you girl? If you want to have a child you have the right to do just that. Regardless of your age. I think that it will be a little hard for you though. Menopause measn that your body just isn't capable of pregnancy. have you thought about doing surrogacy instead of IVF. I am sorry if this is something you mind but... IT is worth considering. I hope you understand me. Don't be mad or anything. God bless you!
I understand how difficult is this to not have a baby even after trying for long time. It's quite difficult to be strong in that time. But you should try to be strong and positive. As you said your ovaries no longer release eggs which needed to conceive. Then IVF with donor eggs is the best option for you.But before going for treatment, confirmed about it. You should completely prepared for accept the baby emotionally or mentally. Don’t think the negative things. At this time it is only one option by which you can become the mother. So don’t think those things that disappoints you.IVF with donor egg is not a wrong decision.I also have my baby through the IVF, It's a infertility treatment. I never think that child is not mine .I'm sure your child won't hate you for this. I think it works more effectively. Hope it helps you.
How are you doing now? Any news? How long have you been ttc? I have my twins through de ivf. My first 3 kids were conceived naturally. It took us 4 years to have our twins. Everyone was telling us "You have 3 children already! Stop your ttc already! Don't be stupid and forget about such nonsense as an egg donor!" But we didn't care. We continued trying till our dream of having big loud family came true. I hope you're doing great. Keep fighting and don't lose hope!
